Routines & inspirations from February

I have a million things I’d like to do, but I often struggle to follow through with them. There are many factors at play, but the main challenge is that I tend to forget what I wanted to do and end up staying in a "zone-out" mode for most of the time. It still happens, but writing down everything I want to do and planning it out, even things like how I want to spend my downtime, has been a game changer for me.

These are some good things that constituted my February.

Something I’m really proud of this new year is that I’ve been able to follow through on some of the things I want to do, and I’ve stuck to a few habits. For about two years now, I’ve been doing morning pages almost every day, a ritual I adopted from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I’ve also set a goal to read one book and watch one movie per month. As someone practicing a creative journey, I think it’s essential to surround myself with diverse sources of inspiration. I also thought this goal would satisfy my soul, which always craves variety in life! This goal actually started last year, and while I managed to achieve it with movies, I didn’t get to keep up with the books. So far, it’s only been two months this year, but things are looking good!

Here are some of the good things that made up my February:

Lion King 1 1/2

My nephew, who is about to be a 5th grader, is a huge fan of The Lion King. He really gets into things when he likes them. He listens to the music on repeat and searches for every Lion King-related clip he can find. He always says, “Isn’t Mufasa awesome?” Thanks to him, I got introduced to the whole Lion King universe (a bit late, but better late than never!), and I finally watched The Lion King 1 1/2 this month. And, OMG. It was so.. beautiful! I couldn’t believe it. I loved the friendship between Timon and Pumba, and their chemistry. It was so precious how they were there to parent Simba the whole time. What about when Timon and Simba are sleeping on Pumba’s tummy, and later Timon and Pumba sleep on Simba’s tummy? Too sweet!

I also found myself identifying with Timon. I’ve always felt like I have trouble feeling at home anywhere, and that’s often made me feel like there’s something wrong with me. I even feel envious of people who seem to feel at home in their homes or in places they’ve newly found. Society often shapes us to desire what everyone else has, and when you don’t have it, you feel the lack or envy. I think this is the power of stories, to help us feel identified and validated.

My favorite quotes from Timon

“What's the point? All we do is dig so we can hide and hide so we can dig. I wanna be where we don't have to dig tunnels and live with our heads stuck in the sand. What's so bad about dreaming of a better home?”

“There's more to life than panic and bein' some other guy's snack.”

“I'm gonna reach for the stars to remind me that meerkats are not merely food!”

“I have to find my place, but it isn't here. My place is out there, Ma. Oh, I may not know exactly where or how far, but I gotta go!?

Hannah Gadsby: Nanette

“I built a career out of self-deprecating humor. That’s what I’ve built my career on. And… I don’t want to do that anymore. Because, do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility. It’s humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission… to speak. And I simply will not do that anymore. Not to myself or anybody who identifies with me.”

I’m a recovering people-pleaser, and I’m terrified of seeming arrogant or of being judged for it. I’m always censoring myself, wondering if I’m humble enough or if I’m lightening the mood for others. In that attempt, I’ve relied on self-deprecating humor, wanting to look humble or be funny, but I resent it when I feel people are looking down on me. 

This was one of the best stand-up comedy shows I’ve ever watched. I was truly in awe and admiration for her way of opening up her story.

Creative Pep Talk

I came across the podcast Creative Pep Talk, hosted by Andy J. Pizza, through reading Finding Your Artistic Voice by Lisa Congdon. It’s filled with practical tips for starting and sustaining a flourishing creative career, but I also love the holistic approach he takes, integrating inner work into the creative process.

The best series so far for me has been Right Side Out. I wasn’t expecting the episode to be so heartfelt. I happened to be at a café working and ended up crying in public.

He talked about how shame plays a role in making art, and he emphasized that we are not flawed, inadequate, or bad. We are good, and so is our art. If there are aspects of our lives we would like to improve, they can be cultivated, not hidden or disguised.

I loved when Andy talked about scolding his kids one day, and his daughter said, something like “This is us, this is how we play, you can’t change that.” He felt so proud of raising her to believe she is innately good.

He also shared a conversation he had with his mother. I just couldn’t imagine how vulnerable and scary doing that would make me feel. I was very grateful for his sharing. It was therapeutic to me and it provided me with deeper perspectives.

Lucy by Jamaica Kincaid

“When I got into bed, I lay there with the light on for a long time doing nothing. Then I saw the book Mariah had given me. It was on the night table next to my bed. Beside it lay my fountain pen full of beautiful blue ink. I picked up both, and I opened the book. At the top of the page I wrote my full name: Lucy Josephine Potter. At the sight of it, many thoughts rushed through me, but I could write down only this: “I wish I could love someone so much that I would die from it.” And then as I looked at this sentence a great wave of shame came over me and I wept and wept so much that the tears fell on the page and caused all the words to become one great big blur.”

How magical it is to observe the beginning of a writer’s journey.

Love has always been a difficult arena for me. I often doubt if I can truly love someone. I get anxious about whether my words or actions have hurt or upset others, or I feel overwhelmed by the obligation to accommodate others' needs while neglecting my own. I’m on a journey of inner work to love myself more, which I’m sure will enable me to truly love people around me. At the end, my deeper essence knows that love is the most powerful thing.